Well, it’s finally that time of the year again when we can say we’re on page 366 of 366 of the year 2012. I gotta admit, this year would have been extremely boring for most of us had it not been for social media and in particular, Twitter; and we’ve got Safaricon and Orange- the rest don’t count- for the numerous amounts of money worth of credit spent in search of personal gratification. Life on Twitter has been a year of growth for most Kenyans on Twitter (KOT), and as such, it would be a shame if we were to turn over the first page of the year 2013 without the due recognition of the hard work put in by various tweeps , hence the much awaited #KetiHapaKOT2012Awards. Without much ado:
TRENDING TOPIC OF THE YEAR:
Personally, it was an honour to see most of these TTs. Most were good and I did manage to start one myself, but the most hilarious of the lot were #MajibuZaMakanga, #UnluckyBrayo, and the longest serving TT of 2012, #UjingaNi. These three produced some of the most hilarious tweets- the likes of #UjingaNi kuuliza Royco Mchuzi Mix ni ya DJ mgani– but it would be ungfair not to mention #TVYaFreddie, #KairuTheCow and the TT of the year, #BudgetYaMasufferer. The latter, most will agree, killed it, with tweets such as “#BudgetYaMasuffer: maziwa lala sasa iamshwe” by @DjSadic and @DopestchiQa’s “Ile light inakuwanga at the end of the tunnel izimwe kusave energy. #TVYaFreddie was the outright runners up with tweets such as #TVYaFreddie ni ndogo mpaka iko na scrollbars.
TWITPIC OF THE YEAR:
This was once again hotly contested, but it is @Lindovaniella that takes the crown with his hilarious twitpic of Liverpool FC. MEMEs were not included in this category however due to the sheer humour they brought.
MEME OF THE YEAR:
It was almost irrelevant who created these MEMEs. The important part is that they all made it to Twitter thanks to you and the cracked us up. The judges once again had difficulty choosing but in the end, @Fena_menal won with the “Best Pick up line” MEME,
followed closely by @petrolheadmtash’s “maji baridi ni yeye” MEME.
MOST ANNOYING TWEEP:
Yes, he had to be. @AbdulCollo was unanimously voted as the most annoying tweep of 2012. From the lame boring tweets, the forced made up typos, his famous #nf #fb tweets, to say the least, he was annoying. His failed attempt at blogging didn’t help either. It is also worth noting that the most annoying tweep of 2012 was also the voted as the Attention Whore of the year 2012 alongside @TerryKibiriti as well as the Asskisser of the Year. Congrats mate, you won all three awards. And no, we are not applauding you.
TWEEF OF THE YEAR:
It wasn’t hard deciding between the tweef between @HuddahMonroe and @MaryaOgopaDJs or the one between @SheeWaruinge and @VivianLaser. The former was on a whole new level- dignigfied and classy, not trashy. The insults hurled were mature and did not involve masturbating on couches or petty issues like who had daddy issues or who was uglier like the latter. It was all about difference in opinion and tastes and preferences. To date, I still do not know who won, though we can all agree that Marya did have a point that Whore-Da-Moan-Raw is a bitch and likewise, Huddah said the truth when she said that Marya’s music is shit.
MOST INFLUENCIAL TWEEPS:
Keyword, tweeps. The judges felt that it would be unfair to pick one form either gender. In the end, it was decided that the old guard did have an upper hand owing to a huge fan base and experience. @RamzZy_, @JoeWMuchiri and @Sickolia_ were voted the most influencial male tweeps and it well reflected in the number of TTs they all individually started or fuelled. @Lencer_B was the most influencial female tweep and I swear the judges swore it had nothing to do with the unusual status of her bossom. @Dopestchiqa came close too since there was hardly a day that went by without someone making reference to her unkempt, smelly forest. Other female tweeps in the limelight were @RoothyM_ , @Annghostface and @Zed_Shantall, who for a full 24 hours rendered the TL inaccesiible with their free flow Kamba tweets.
SUBARU OF THE YEAR:
First and foremost, all subarus that were in the form of subtweets were rejected. Secondly, up and until 30th of December 2012, Rama’s Subaru to the poor fellow that dared explain Rama’s failed joke and was rewarded with the remark that his head was full of donkey piss, was in. But all it took was @Njiiru_’s Subaru to overtake Rama, which undoubtedly sped past the recipient at an approximated speed of 750 mph according to observers. Njiiru said “Larry Asego is a good stand up comedian; he starts talking and I stand up to go and switch off the TV.” @Arumthechamp was also in the running with his manual RT to the boastful @RobertAlai, who tweeted that “he had two HTC one X wakati wengine hawana ata moja”. Arum silenced him with “People your age are bragging about companies they own.”
Somebody say VVVVRROOOOOM!!!
TYPO OF THE YEAR:
We saw them, laughed at them and got to fera a number of grammar Nazis in the process. From @Kebubu’s ‘Sguga’ and ‘Sjula’the @RockstarWakafs’ unending antics till he changed his handle to @Wakamaa_ and then @JohnTexx famous ‘The Scripture’ that gave us the awesome #JohnTexxPlaylist TT, it was decided that the best typo of 2012 was undoubtedly made by @Hamzae. Hamzae tweeted “Why did I went to that hotel smh” to which @masaku_ promptly replied “to hide your bad grammar.” @Zanaisha did put up a good fight with her “Which is the best colon for men” tweet that was responded to appropriately by @Jayfreakay with “->> ; <<-is the best colon.”
AVI OF THE YEAR:
I’m not sure why there was ever a need to vote on this one, as it was @Verbstract that was the undisputed winner with his Britam avi. It was wrong on so many levels that @Droid254 even made an upcountry replica of the avi in question. ION, it was @KolaBoof and not a KOT that won Ugliest avi of the year.
BLOG OF THE YEAR:
2012 was a year of discovery for many would-be budding writers that writing is not as easy as txting a lass to try and make her laugh so you can get laid. Blogging is even harder because you have to maintain an audience and a following. Only two blogs met this criterion as voted by you and these were @arumthechamp’s TheRareChamp and yours’ truly, KetiHapa. Enough said.
TWEET OF THE YEAR:
Nothing gave the judges more headache than this category. Creativity was insane in the year 2012 hence there was no shortage of crazy tweets. Eventually, the judges settled on three. @Mwass_ was first with his tweet to @safaricomltd “how do I download ‘Twitter for iPad’ on my sister’s iDeos?” followed by @Ben_Skulizy with
“Officer: Kijana ebu toa kipande…
Me: *produces bar soap*
And that’s how I died St. Peter. Now can I enter?”
@Jayfreakay was once again in the limelight with this tweet “If Mo Farah is knighted atakuwa Sir Farah kama sisi tu.”
@iMurumba came close with his tweet: “I’d like to break up with someone over walkie-talkie just for laughs. ‘…Babe, relationship, over…”
RETWEET OF THE YEAR:
The RT that most definitely takes the crown is the manual RT by @YungSimba__, who RTd @_ilukuya_
“@YungSimba__: Sa unataka leaver’s bash ama? RT @ _ilukuya_: @yungsimba__ UNFOLLOWED.”
Yup, you see why we had little choice.
MOST TASTELESS TWEET OF THE YEAR:
As usual, contestants were many but this time, it was @Opiyow who did it for the judges with her tweet “Everything that gets lost in Chief Kariuki’s area is usually recovered later. I should have lost my virginity there.” @RamzZy came second with “Father Kizito was happy to support the Mount Kenya Union of None Drinking Ushers. Nobody knew why until they saw the Union’s acronym.” Finally, @MwangiViktor was tied at third with @Mr_Wyragu. The former tweeted:
“Boy: Unapenda mimi ama choo?
Boy: Nadhani unapenda choo kuniliko. Ata haihitaji kukuambia utoe suruali na mi nang’ang’ana”
Mr_Wyragu on the other hand said “Agroup of fish is called a school? Guess who’ll be having some dropouts for supper…”.
@putakonamatako was voted most inappropriate handle of 2012.
ONE-HIT-WONDER OF THE YEAR:
Deservedly goes to @Leondecow, formerly @Leondacow and a.k.a. @leonzecow. Leon started out well, pissing off people on his way to stardom, more or less like @AbdulCollo, but his stardom was substantially cut short when he enrolled in campus. He was soon to find out that dating older women is much more difficult when they find out you’re a ‘fresher’. His street-cred was further hit when a story about a guy confessing to have had intercourse with a cow name Kairu went viral (#KairutheCow). His only consolation is that @Stan_njohiSTI came close at second place, with Stan’s short lived glory being to his public rejection by @TerryKibiriti for trying to date her with his HELB loan. Eventually, Anniversary Towers was nowhere in sight to bail him, out this time round.
TWEEP OF THE YEAR:
It was supposed to be an easy decision for the judges; sift through all votes cast and determine the most consistent tweep. The only problem was, there were lots of hilarious tweeps out there that were all voted in by you and who consistently left the TL in stiches throughout the year. @Njiiru_, @Mwass_ and @Masaku_ were the obvious choices, but it would have been a gross error to leave out @Opiyow, @iMurumba, @DavieKarr and definitely @Kamweru. In the end, the judhges had to pick one and it was @Masaku_ that emerged the winner. He is hereby crowned the reigning KOT Personality of the Year.