***As appeared on 14th issue of The Campus Chronicles Magazine link as follows: http://www.chroniclesmedia.org/014/ ***
A couple of days ago, I posted on Twitter that I quit drinking and a few weeks before that, I’d posted that I quit smoking. Problem is, I’ve created this bad boy, care free image of the man that drinks, note my words, not a drunk. Ok, basically a drug addict who’s somehow got it under control- it’s the image that has somehow got me the 1400 or so people hanging on to my word on Twitter, coupled with the fact that I am a funny guy, sometimes an asshole, but a definitely good guy; or so I’m told.
First of all, I do not have it under control and second of all, I am neither of those things. I am just a typical recovering alcoholic and one who’s proud to quit smoking. Now, I really do not sharing with random strangers the misery that bugs my life, it was paramount I mention because otherwise this post would be meaningless.
Last night I found myself awake at 2.45 am trying to Google the early symptoms of throat cancer. And yes, I had all the symptoms. A dry cough, a hoarse voice, a severe sore throat, lumps on my neck and difficulty breathing and swallowing. And most important of all, I was in pain; both physical and psychological. For the first time in my life, I found myself crying and hoping it was a bacterial infection and not the former and the saddest part is, courtesy of my inability to let any woman get close to me, I had nobody to talk to. I didn’t want to give my mother a heart attack.
In the morning, I woke up at precisely 6.30 am, sweating and with tears dried on my cheeks- I didn’t even have my usual glorious morning wood. I didn’t even take a cup of tea. I simply put on some decent clothes (I sleep in my boxers, ladies take note, if you want to take advantage of me in my sleep it is allowed) and rushed to the nearest hospital i could find. All this time, I was considering what I’d do if it turned out to be cancer. I chocked back a couple of tears on the way. I knew I would never forgive myself for problems I’d whole heartedly gone out looking for and inhaled.
Thankfully, it turned out to be a severe case of bacterial infection, so don’t worry about me. The irony in it being I preferred it’s short term suffering as compared to what Cancer would do to me.
Now, I know when you look at the title above and the story, they are two completely different things. But as I said, it was important I describe my life to you so you’d understand where I’m going with this. And my point is simple, even men cry; hell, I’m glad I cried and reinforced the decision to stay off cancer sticks and booze. I’ll miss it and it’ll be hard, but I’ll do it for myself. Another thing, it is important to have at least one person you can lean on when all hell breaks loose and you have nobody to tell you it is going to be okay. At least I know now I definitely need a genuine friend, not one of my alcohol buddies and preferably, a woman.
As a man, you’ll be faced with lots of such times. You might even find yourself crying like I did. The question is, will you have somebody to lean on because you were as stubborn as I was and the only heart I followed was some handle called ‘heart’ on twitter? Think about it.