IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE

Posted: July 23, 2013 by ketihapa in Humour, Twitter
Tags: , , ,

A parallel universe is basically an alternate reality, where stuff is assumed to exist in opposites to reality

Setting: Moi Avenue Time: 2.03 pm

The scene begins @Ramzzy_, @JoeWMuchiri and @Sickolia_ walking along Moi Avenue. The weather is clear, the atmosphere, well it’s Moi Avenue.

Rama: Meeeen.

Joe: Nini mbaya mboss? Finally umekubali Man U ni noma kuliko Arsenal, hehe?

Sickolia chuckles

Rama: Nugu, apana, Arsenal is the best team in the world. Tunashinda ligi this season kwanza vile Wenger amesign Messi. Manze ni @Abdulcollo amekataa kufollow back. Manze ebu ona hii tweet.

Rama hands Joe his phone and shows him the tweet, as Sickolia leans in to take a look too.

Sickolia: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ati amekwambia ati his team is taking your application into consideration? Iza boss.

Joe: Haha, man enyewe sisi tumicrowig tuna shida.

Sickolia nods, Rama is clearly hurting. He shrugs.

Rama: Aaah, who cares. At least si mimi nilinyimwa na Joyce Hood.

Sickolia: LMAO. Manze ata @Denno_Ace alipewa bana. Joe enyewe hiyo kipara yako haikusaidii. Si uambie @Dopestchiqa akinyoa fudhi next akusaidie na nywele? That is assuming ananyoanga.

Joe and Rama unable to contain themselves burst out laughing, but their laughter is cut short when they spot @Stan_Subru crossing the street talking to himself. The trio stops walking. They are now a couple of metres away from Jevanjee gardens.

Rama: (shouting) Oya, Stan kuja ugotee mafans.

Stan turns and starts walking towards them.

Joe: (Fist bumping Stan) Hehe, kijana iz how unakaa umeboeka hivi? Kwani ulinyimwa helb?

Rama and Sickolia: LOOOOOOL

Stan: Jinga. Wacheni kucheka bana. Manze Helb wamekataa kuniwai doo ati Safcom waliwaambia sijalipa okoa jahazi ya last year.

Rama: Hehe, lakini at least hukumugiwa at dick point kama @iWateba.

Sickolia: HAHA. Kuna jamaa alitweet ati kama ni wasee wawili wangetoklezea ingekuwa vitisho za penis mbili.

Joe: LMAO.

Stan: HAHAHA. Lakini boyz ako eazy. Nimemwacha akicapia dame fulani wa Mpesa kamonologue vile alikuwa Skyluxx jana beste yake juzi.

Joe: Eeeh, wasee, ebu cheki ule dame. (Joe waves, the girl ignores and Joe starts pretending he was flexing his biceps)

Sickolia: Hahahaha. Bahati hukujaribu kumwinkia.

Joe: LOL mbona?

Sickolia: Juu inegbaki umejifanya tu wewe ni chongo.

Joe: Haha, nugu. Naenda kumwongelesha. Wish me luck.

Rama: Kwani dryspell yako haiishangi wewe? Your sex life is a laughing matter. Juu wewe ni fisi. Haha mmeget?

*Sickolia: (Shaking his head) SMH hiyo joke yako imenuka kuliko mdomo ya Dj Presly.

Rama: Ah, huyo ni bure. Ata ule Dj wa Royco Mchuzi mix ni mnoma kumliko.

Stan: Na wewe sickolia lazima useme SMH na tunaona unashake kichwa? Na wewe Rama, stop trying too hard. @Mikeztyme hayuko hapa umlambe mkundu kama kawaida yako. Nkt!

Joe: Hahaha, Sickolia tulia jo. Ata wewe Stan. Rama ako na sense zote except sense of humour.

Just then, @CarolineSpencer bumps into them, chewing something that appears to be green.

Carol: Niaje watu nguyaz!

Rama: Wewe hujawai acha kuchana veve?

Carol: Eeeh. Dopest ndiye alinifunza kuchana akichana bush yenye kwa armpit zake.

Sickolia and Stan start laughing.

Rama: Hehe Dopest atakuua akiskia. Lakini seriously Carol, wewe ata Kat Deluna hawezi tembea na wewe.

Carol: Mbona?

Sickolia: Hahaha, juu atabaki tu Deluna.

Stan, who is only now getting the joke bursts out laughing, joining Carol and Rama.

Rama: Na btw Joe ameenda wapi?

Stan: Ameenda kukatia ule dame.

Sickolia: Eh, wasee, wacha nikanyore kwa ile choo ya kanjo. Nani ako na kinde aniokolee bana?

Carol: Shika buda boss. Ata wacha tuingie Jevanjee gardens tukuchill.

Stan: Si ungekuwa unagawa kila kitu vile unagawa pesa Carol.

Carol: Tsk! Nakaa @Charitiey?

Rama chuckles, Sickolia is too distracted by his full bladder to laugh.

They enter the gardens. Carol hands Sickolia the ten shilling coin. Sickolia heads to the toilet as the rest approach one of the benches. A goat bleats from the distance and they turn.

Rama: Oya, @mbusih, wachana na nyasi ya kanjo. Carol anaweza kukugawia veve.

Carol Swears in Kimeru as mbusih bleats again, clearly outraged.

Stan: Meen sah mbusih amekukosea aje?

Rama: Hehe, hakuna. Uchokozi tu. Btw jana nilipatana na @LeonDeCow hapa hapa tu akiwa date. Alikuwa na ile ng’ombe ya Kiambu. Si unaikumbuka? Yenye ilikuwa inaitwa Kairu.

Carol: Hehehe, lakini kama Leon angekuwa clown ingekuwa funny. Animals do the funniest things sometimes.

Rama: HAHAHAHAHA.

Stan: Mi sijashika bana.

Carol: (Spits the khat) Stan kitu pekee unashikanga ni D yako ukinyora.

Rama bursts out laughing again. Carol joins in. Stan just stares at them, his ego broken.

Sickolia joins them and sits on the bench.

Sickolia: Ok, mbona mnacheka?

Stan: Carol amedai ati anafeel funny kwa tumbo. Ndio sababu anacheka. Sijui mbona Rama anacheka.

Sickolia: Jinga.

Carol: For real btw sa nimeanza kuskia vibaya kwa tumbo.

Rama: Si ufunge maskio basi.

Carol: Nkt. Manze ni serious. @Terrykibiriti aliniconvince tukule mutura Ngara. Bana nafeel terryble tumbo.

Carol groans and clutches at her stomach. She farts loudly for a full 30 seconds. Mbusih stops chewing his grass and stares at Carol, as do the rest.

Stan: (As Mbusih starts bleating in bewilderment) Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Sickolia: Shit!

Carol: I wish I could. Nimekuwa na constipation tangu juzi mtu nguyaz.

Rama: Haha. Weh, Carol, uko sure huhitaji tukupeleke hospitali?

Carol: Maaan nipelekeni hospitali. Lakini sa pesa zinatoka wapi?

Stan: Si tumpeleke Kenyatta, ni sare.

Sickolia and Rama nod in agreement.

Sickolia: Poa. I think niko na doo ya kutosha ya fare. Rama ebu okoa jahazi ushow joe akimaliza kunyimwa atupate Kenyatta.

Stan grabs Carol’s arm and helps her up. They start walking towards the exit of the gardens, Sickolia and Rama a few steps behind them.

************** Scene ends ****************

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Comments
  1. Siiieeeeeet! Kali buda boss!

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