I am sorry I have taken this long to say it, but I would like to say sorry to everyone that lost anyone at the recent Westgate attack by terrorists, Al Shaabab and Al Qaeda to be precise. It was in my opinion an act of cowardice and extreme disregard for human life. We lost many good people and I hope that God rests the souls of those that lost their lives in eternal peace. To those that lost loved ones, friends, enemies, frenemies, or basically anyone, I would like to first and foremost encourage you that all is going to be well. Have faith.
I therefore decided to do this piece to try and at least make you smile. God knows you deserve it. I know some of you might think it is racial, but I would like to assure you that it’s not. I am simply taking the worst of a bad situation and using it to make you smile, even if for just a day. The one thing we have in common is our hate for terrorists and people who kill others for pure pleasure and badly misguided morals. So, here is my list of warning signs that could tell you’re a terrorist:
- You love Terrific Tuesdays.
- When she tells you she wants you to blow her, you do it literally.
- You consider bacon, pork and sausages unclean and very vile but you don’t see the irony in wiping your butt with your hands.
- One of your hobbies is photo bombing.
- The first question on your exam paper was: Compare ‘White House Down’ and ‘Olympus Has Fallen’. What would you have done differently to ensure the president of the US died?
- Your favourite pick up line is “Is your father Osama? Because I think you’re the bomb.” Never mind that it earns you get slapped infinitely more than you get banged.
- You are an expert at explosive devices but you don’t know jackshit about fixing the antenna of your Tv. In fact, the only aerial you know is the detergent. You might have placed it on top of your Tv once to see if the signal improves. If your Tv is black and white, you might also have attempted to paint it so it views in colour.
- You own a rocket launcher that costs $5000 dollars, but you cannot afford to buy underwear. Or shoes for that matter.
- You own a cell phone, but your knowledge of it’s uses is limited to detonating bombs.
- You have more wives than teeth. And even less baths per year.
- You vehemently object to consumption of alcohol because it is harmful for your body, but you don’t object to wearing a suicide vest and blowing yourself up. You also don’t see the irony in refining heroine.
- You think your neighbor’s goat is cute. You even have a goatee in her honour.
- In Physics class, your teacher started by telling you “Pay attention fellas. I am only going to demonstrate this once.”
- Whenever you board a plane, the guy seated next to you always starts by asking whether you have any plans for tomorrow.
**Feel free to come up with more stupid signs to add to this list. LOL.