Archive for August, 2016

NAIROBI ACCENT

Posted: August 28, 2016 by ketihapa in Why?????
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Dear Gladwell,

You were right. And wrong at the same time. Men born and brought up in towns are a problem. Men born and brought up upcountry are good. I agree, men brought up in Nairobi are a problem. As you pointed out, they all love pizza. They all have a fetish for emojis. :C And they all have a weird taste in clothing. Half of them wear skinny jeans and laugh at baggy trousers.

You forgot one thing; they all have the Nairobi Accent.

The Nairobi Accent is good;  It has got a lot of people employed. Homeboyz, Capital FM, etc…  Half of the guys there don’t know the proper spelling of pronunciation, yet, they are experts telling everybody how to pronounce KFC properly as ‘Kei Eif Cei’ because Kienyeji Chicken is Kei Eif Cei chicken…. Chicken that a Luhya guy James Bonded off a chopper because it was free at a funeral. It got him Nation wide fame by the way. And a free airplane ride. (And half of us haven’t even boarded a plane yet- the most we have flown is Angry Birds, over a bunch of angry, over green, over fed pigs, that stole our cartoon eggs.)

See, the point is, nobody can explain where the Nairobi accent came from. At all. We will be quick to point out USIU. And Strathmore. But we all know they pronounce computers as kampyuters, yet half of them can’t even compute 1+2. It’s Threy to them. But hey, it’s kampyuting. What the hell would I knouuw abait it? My English isn’t that good; haven’t been to either schools of late. And my lecturays were from Muchatha as I am.

You see, Gladwell, you’re being petty. Or as they would pronounce it, perry.

First and foremost, it’s sora, not soda. And I’m getting a fana  bleck curren, not a fanta black currant. I hope we’re on the same page. Then we don’t go to animal orphanages. We go to zoos. To watch elephens and lyans. Lions are too over rated. And it’s Ryaena not Rhino. Their haans are fiesam. I am stepping out of bounds, sorry. I din wan you to think I wa a hyener.

Second, I loved your post. But sisi kama watu tumezaliwa ocha we have to remind you, it’s not all about Ugali. It’s not about not cuddling. We actually love cuddling; but with the right girl. Those that will kiss us and tell us they wish they could make ugali as good as we do. Those that will be confident enough to tell us that they had sex with other guys but they are sorry we weren’t the ones they had sex first with. Those that will tell us that we seem old, yet, are better than the born tao sponsors their friends told them about even if our English sounds imported from Uganda.

Third, Arsenal won today. Pole, I am being the exact definition of the guys that were not raised in Kayole, but it feels good!!!!

Fourth, I still dont understand the Nairobi Accent; or why i didn’t talk about it. Just know one thing, if you call it a torch instead of a flashlight when you’re in USIU, you’re done.

Kind regards,

Ketihapa.