Dear Njoki Chege,
First and foremost I have to congratulate you on your new role. I mean, the upgrade from being a blogger to a creative writer at Nation Media! What! Hell of an accomplishment. It’s so sad that when I Google you I find you listed as a blogger though. Someone ought to inform Google (and everyone in Kenya for that matter) that you are no longer a blogger. You are now a creative writer – the City Girl- for Nation Media.
Because, how could they think of you as a blogger? It is deplorable to imagine why. After all, you did say that “A blogger is typically any dimwit with internet connection, rent to pay and a lot of free time.” Why then, should they think of you as a dimwit with an internet connection that has to pay rent but is too idle to go work to find money to pay for the said rent? I fail to understand that part. Especially because you submit your work via emails which don’t require an internet connection ( I am so envious right now) and you also don’t need to pay rent.
I am not certain of one thing though. You did not define whom a dimwit is; because you see, Urban Dictionary defines a dimwit as “someone who does things just to gain acceptance from others, not because he is a real personality.” In other words, an attention seeker, or as most people call that, an attention hoe. Sorry, as a blogger I have no money and rent to pay and the only dictionary I could afford was the online one; so please forgive me if my grammar is not up to your standards.
But back to the point at hand here; I am particularly confused because that definition of a dimwit describes you perfectly – every post you have written, including the one that landed you that job as a blogger, sorry, as a creative writer for Nation Media, has always been scathing enough to get people to notice you. Advertising agencies typically use boobs to get people’s attention; hell, those guys could advertise hell using boobs and people would line up to buy tickets to hell. Personally I know I would.
But what you do is essentially the same thing, only you can’t use your boobs because, after all, you are the polished ‘City Girl.’ Instead, you write stuff to trash other people, which you excel at by the way, (congratulations are in order – I should buy you a drink to celebrate that but as I mentioned earlier on, I am just but a poor blogger with rent to pay. And it’s Njaanuary.) so they are pissed off enough to respond to you and read your work.
I hope you see where I am going with this. You write rubbish, sit, wait for comments (that you don’t bother replying to) and then sit back as you think about whom to trash next. You are like that street preacher that will call our girls sluts because they chose to dress up in tights and tells them that they get raped because of their choice in dressing, as he looks on in gratification when they pass by sneering at him. But hey, they noticed him in the end, didn’t they?
In other words, hopefully much easier for your top-notch brain to comprehend, you are just an attention hoe as well. Rather a dimwit just like the rest of us. Which therefore makes you a blogger as well, just an expensive one that hates Eastlands and Subarus and pretty much everyone except yourself.
And we will only consider you a writer when you can get over your insecurities and actually do write anything worth reading, like a novel for instance, or a play, or just a simple manuscript for the ailing Tahidi High. Before that happens, you too are a blogger.